A Parent’s Story

Leaving home to go to University or College can be a daunting experience, not just for the student but for their parents too!  Find out what its like, and how to deal with it, from a parent who has been through it  twice!

A new beginning

Every year, thousands of young people leave home to begin new courses and new experiences in new towns and cities.  Of course, young people in Barnsley dont have to leave home to study, with Sheffield, Huddersfield, Leeds and now the new University Centre Barnsley within easy reach.  Indeed, continuing to live at home can save a great deal of money as well as ensuring that the family support network remains in place.  But many will still decide to move away, for a wide variety of reasons  personal development, a particular course, a desire to see somewhere new or just to start again.

It can be rather scary moving away from home and it is surprising perhaps how few students fall by the wayside, abandon their new course and return home.  It is a tribute both to the way universities and colleges deal with each new intake and the level of advice and provision that students receive from many quarters before they go that they cope so well.  There is another reason and that is the quality of young people themselves.  I am in no doubt that the overall quality of students, their preparation for student life and study is much better than it was a generation ago.  And of course in a modern knowledge society we are educating over 40% of our young people at university level rather than the 15% of thirty years ago.  It is clear that todays young students are balanced, capable and mature and quite comfortable with moving on to new things.

Coping with change

So young people cope well with the transition to student life and face the future with optimism and cheerfulness.  But the exam results bring change to others who have fewer support mechanisms and who can find the change just as daunting: parents.  And parents often cope less well with the change.  The empty nest syndrome is well documented but it is one that  just like the arrival of the children eighteen years before  comes as a big life change no matter how much preparation you have.  So as one who has lived through it  here is the parents guide to student life& 

Parents guide to student life

First you have to cope with the quiet of the house.  Attractive in some ways, but quite a shock.  From a houseful of noise to absolute peace.  Nothing ever gets moved out of place  when you return home all is as it was left  most unnerving.  The phone will almost never ring.  From being switchboard operator for everyone but yourself there is only an eerie quiet.  There will be no piles of enormous shoes in the hall.  It is not just your own offspring but all their mates who are not around.  You will also notice a huge reduction in supermarket shopping, from going every day you will find once a week is quite enough.  The fridge keeps the same contents from one day to the next.  The freezer remains stocked.  You can buy beer and end up drinking it yourself. There will be no pizza debris, no cold oven chips when you come down in the morning.  No late night giving of lifts to unnaturally cheerful hordes of teenagers, no incomprehensible DVDs when you switch the TV on.  No loud music to complain about  and probably most worrying in the long term  you lose that spark of connection on a day to day basis with the younger generation.

So if you can remember the strange days when you first had children  the moment you brought them home, closed the front door and wondered what the hell you were supposed to do next and why didnt anyone warn you?  Well when you return from taking your youngest to college and close the front door behind you the effect can feel just the same.  So if this is you, this year, or in the near future, try and plan for the empty nest and console yourself with the knowledge that it is only 10 weeks until the Christmas holidays  and then they will come home determined to make up for lost time.  Come the middle of January you will be desperate to get your house to yourself again!

Richard Lister, parent (much of the content of this article originally appeared in the Evening Star, August 2006).

This page was last updated on the 4th of September 2007 and is scheduled for review on or before the 4th of September 2008